Reflection—Emotions: A Window Into the Heart
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Watching her often makes me wonder: Why do our emotions, as adults, often feel so complex that we can’t even put them into words? Why do we feel so unsure of what to do when someone else is crying, upset, or experiencing what we call “negative” emotions?
For a long time, these questions left me confused.
East Meets West
I grew up in a traditional Chinese culture where openly expressing emotions could feel intimidating. As a result, I learned to suppress my feelings rather than express them honestly as they came.
The downside is that emotions rarely disappear simply because we ignore them. When they remain buried for too long, they often surface later in an emotional explosion.
After coming to Canada, I experienced a very different culture. In my experience, Western culture is generally much more open about expressing emotions. I have especially noticed how children’s emotions are often acknowledged and validated.
This has helped me appreciate the importance of listening well and creating a safe place for others to express what they are feeling.
At the same time, I have also seen the danger of allowing emotions to become our ultimate guide. When our feelings become the highest authority, we can gradually lose the ability to think soberly and evaluate them in light of what is true.
For a long time, I thought the solution was simply to regulate my emotions—and to teach my children to do the same.
Too often, however, my approach was merely trying to suppress or replace one emotion with another:“Stop feeling sad. Be happy instead.”
It wasn't until recently that I began to see that the Holy Spirit transforms our emotions by first renewing our minds. As He turned my eyes to Christ and brought my thinking into alignment with His truth, my emotions gradually began to reflect His heart as well.
Instead of trying to suppress or immediately change my emotions, I began bringing them honestly before God and asking Him to help me understand both my own heart and the hearts of those I love.
Jesus Had Emotions, Too
As I reflected on how Christ lived and ministered during His earthly life, I was reminded that He also experienced human emotions as the perfect man. He rejoiced, wept, showed compassion, grieved, expressed righteous anger, and even experienced deep sorrow and anguish before His crucifixion.
Yet He never sinned.
At the same time, He calls us:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
(Romans 12:15)
Even more wonderfully, throughout Scripture, God reveals not only His truth but also His heart.
We see His compassion, delight, grief, righteous anger, patience, and steadfast love. These are beautiful windows into His character and His heart toward His people.
As I continued reflecting on Christ and His Word, the Lord began reshaping my understanding of emotions.
He opened my eyes to see that emotions are part of His good design and often serve as an important window into the heart. They do not tell the whole story or define a person, but they often reveal what is happening beneath the surface of the heart.
Sometimes they reveal what we are believing, trusting in, fearing, or loving.
At other times, they reflect the way God wonderfully created us as human beings—to enjoy, grieve, marvel, and respond appropriately to the world He has made.
Just as we delight in the rich diversity of God's creation, we can also appreciate the unique ways He has created each person.
We will not all experience and express emotions in exactly the same way. Rather than expecting everyone to feel or respond in the same way as we do, we can patiently seek to understand one another while together learning to submit our hearts to the truth of God's Word.
As we patiently listen to one another and seek to understand each other in the light of God's Word, we often come to know those we love and ourselves more deeply.
I gradually came to realize that emotions are neither our master nor our enemy. Rather, they often serve as an invitation—an invitation to know ourselves more honestly, to understand one another more deeply, and to come more fully into God's presence.
True spiritual care, then, is not helping everyone become emotionally identical; it is helping each unique person become more like Christ.
True Spiritual Care
The following summarizes what the Lord has been teaching me about emotions and spiritual care.
If we truly love others and seek their good, we should not treat their emotions as the ultimate problem or merely focus on changing how they feel.
Emotions are part of God's good design and often reveal what is happening in our hearts, but they are not the ultimate issue.
The goal of spiritual care is not to analyze others, but to know them—to understand what is happening in their hearts so that we may genuinely love them as the unique people God created them to be, and help them find their deepest satisfaction and joy in Christ.
In doing so, we honour the dignity of those made in God’s image while anchoring them in what is true.
As the Holy Spirit renews our minds through His life-giving truth and grace, He also transforms our hearts—and, in time, even our emotions.
As we help each other mature in our faith, we do not become less emotional; we become more rightly emotional as we become more like Christ.
Our emotions become increasingly aligned with God’s heart as we learn to love what He loves, hate what He hates, grieve over what grieves Him, rejoice in what delights Him, and find our deepest joy in Him.
Freedom to Be Honest and to Love Patiently
This realization has been incredibly freeing for me.
I no longer see my emotions as the enemy or as something to be ashamed of or suppressed.
God designed them, and they often reveal what is happening in my heart.
Instead of feeling condemned by my emotions or trying to change them directly, I can humbly receive them as an invitation to know myself more honestly—to understand my current posture before God, or simply to better understand how He uniquely created me to respond to His world—and then bring all of it before the Lord to be renewed by His truth and grace.
It has also freed me from the pressure of trying to “fix” other people’s emotions.
Instead, I can patiently listen, seek to understand what is happening in their hearts, and lovingly point them to the truth of God’s Word, trusting that the Holy Spirit is the One who renews minds, transforms hearts, and, in time, increasingly aligns our emotions with His truth.
As God helped me understand emotions in light of His Word, I am learning to understand my husband and children more deeply, and even to understand my own heart more honestly before Him.
Yet the more honestly I see my own heart, the more clearly I realize both the depth of my need and the beauty of the gospel.
As Scripture teaches, every human heart has been corrupted by sin, and mine is no exception. Apart from God's grace, I cannot bring my heart into the light. Left to myself, I naturally hide in shame, defend myself, or try to fix myself. But because of what Jesus Christ has already accomplished through His death and resurrection, I no longer need to fear bringing my whole heart before God. I am free to come into His presence honestly, trusting that He will not reject me but receive me with grace.
As I bring my heart before Him, He does not merely expose my sin—He also lovingly transforms me. Through His Holy Spirit and His life-giving Word, He shines His light into the deepest places of my heart, exposing what needs to be transformed and filling me with His grace, peace, perfect love, and joy.
More wonderfully still, as the Holy Spirit continues His transforming work within me, I am coming to know God’s heart more deeply. As I know Him better, I find myself loving Him more, delighting in Him more, and increasingly enjoying the people He has graciously placed in my life as gifts from His hand.
As His love increasingly shapes my own heart, even the ordinary moments of parenting have taken on new meaning. Instead of feeling annoyed by my children's cries, I now see them as opportunities to understand their hearts, draw nearer to them, and walk together toward Christ.
Thank God for His life-giving truth, His amazing grace, and the faithful work of His Spirit in transforming us from the inside out.
The living God who created the universe and made us in His own image knows us better than anyone else.
He is big enough to handle our messiest days and faithful enough to renew our minds and gently reshape our hearts as we abide in Him. His grace is sufficient.
May He continue to help us know Him more, love Him more, delight in Him more, and become more like Christ as we behold His glory. ❤️
“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
— Proverbs 20:5
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
— Romans 12:2
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”
— Psalm 139:23–24
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” — Romans 8:1
P.S.
*If you're interested in seeing how God has been teaching me these truths personally, I recently shared my testimony, where I describe this journey in greater detail.
The Bible is our final and sufficient authority for faith and life.
The books below are not a substitute for the Bible, but I have been told they are faithful resources that help explain and apply biblical truth about emotions and spiritual care.
A trusted friend of mine, who is also a certified biblical counselor, recommended them to me. I haven’t read them personally yet, but I look forward to doing so over time and hope they may be helpful to you as well—as they point us back to God’s Word. ☺️
Understanding Emotions
Untangling Emotions — J. Alasdair Groves & Winston T. Smith
Blame It on the Brain? — Ed Welch
How People Change — Timothy S. Lane & Paul David Tripp
Anger
Uprooting Anger — Robert D. Jones
Anger and Stress Management God's Way — Wayne Mack
The Heart of Anger — Lou Priolo
Sorrow
Out of the Blues — Wayne Mack
Spiritual Depression — Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Anxiety
Courage: Fighting Fear with Faith — Wayne Mack
Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety — Elyse Fitzpatrick
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